I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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