i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize