My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
