Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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