I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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