May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
