I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
