i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize