If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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