why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
