i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
