Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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