Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
