You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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