no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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