Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
