Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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