i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
