we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
