____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
