Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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