bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
