So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
this hospital has no fireball
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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