apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
