I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
