Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
