so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
