i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
