the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it glows. i had to have it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
