what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
