I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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