i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
