Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
