she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
