onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
