Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
