Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
