Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
