Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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