Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
