You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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