That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
