ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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