i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
