All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
