fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
