My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
