How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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