Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
