my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
