Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
