I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
