youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
