Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
