I will die if light touches me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
