I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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