I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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