How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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