We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
