If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
