He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
