Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
