I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
