Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
