Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
