Quick, to the slutcave!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
