i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
send nudes
from the living room?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
