coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
